I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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