His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
