dude i'm inner monologue high
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
