I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
