Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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