upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
