found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize