his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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