Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
