I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I don't think brook has ever known best
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
