I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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