I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
