I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize