Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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