And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
