i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Randomize
