Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
