i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
