Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
