so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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