Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So gin and wine won't be happening again
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
