goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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