Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
