I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just cut my nipple shaving
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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