U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think i peed on brittanys purse
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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