She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I cut my penus on the lid.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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