I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
