She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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