So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
