the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
