someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
