yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My ass is underappreciated
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
