A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
