hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
