Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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