we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
