Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We smell like vodka and hangover
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