from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
