we're blogging at a bar
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
