I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
