He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
