Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize