ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
