I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
