i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
MIDGETS
????
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
