Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
