It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
