my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
