my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
