alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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