Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Are we still banned from the library?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
