it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't deserve a penis
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
