He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
