If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
