You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize