Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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