I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
