I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
