I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
