Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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