i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
