One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
