Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
