i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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