do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
