life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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