We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
