I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
