i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
