Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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