Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Welp...herpes.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
