Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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