I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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