you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
