fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
