Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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