Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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