Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
