Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
