Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just blew my weed a kiss
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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