There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
