Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
