Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
