my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he fucked my hip out of place.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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