Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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