Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
