What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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