i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
