my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
