so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
