The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
