I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
