Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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