I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
