so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
